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whenthedarknesscomes
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Name: Kayla
Gender: Female
Interests: Music, arts, poetry, friends, band, dancing, darkness, blood. I'm a complicated person and often will act snobby or defensive to keep people from becoming to close to me. I've been heart broken too many times and am now afraid of becoming attached to any one. when someone finally breaks through the walls I put up most of the time I can be the sweetest person [or one of them] you'll ever meet.
when I say something or someone means the world to me, I'm never lying. If it's something I'm interested in or enjoy doing I'll give 110%
If you were to see me on the streets or at school, you'd most likely notice I'll have a smile on my face. Reason being I love to smile. but sometimes the smiles you see aren't real. I deal with depression and sometimes it becomes too much for me to handle. only my close friends can tell my fake happiness from my real.
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
2/18/2006
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| It's been a while since i've last log on or even attempted to make a new weblog.
So the lastest news: I'm currently in my senior year of high school
trying to figure out what college i'm attending afterwards, i think i have a good idea.
new boyfriend since the last one cheated on me. (jonathan bradshaw sucks dick)
=]
now with a wonderful guy named justin, i hope to stay with this one for a while.
it's soon to be winter, not looking forward to the cold air thats soon to arrive.
football season almost over so i'll have my social life back soon enough, woot!
thats about all.. | | |
| lovexlikexlust (12:58:46 AM): babble babble bitch bitch rebel rebel party party, sex sex sex and don't forget the violence lovexlikexlust (12:58:51 AM): i love marilyn manson sean slaughter3 (12:58:56 AM): thats a great song lovexlikexlust (12:58:59 AM): chyea sean slaughter3 (12:59:16 AM): blah blah blah lovexlikexlust (1:00:00 AM): got your lovey dovey sad and lonely stick your stupid slogan in and every body sing.. lovexlikexlust (1:00:07 AM): o.o sean slaughter3 (1:00:15 AM): are you motherfuckers ready lovexlikexlust (1:00:27 AM): w00t sean slaughter3 (1:00:36 AM): fer the new sheezy sean slaughter3 (1:00:38 AM): lol lovexlikexlust (1:00:41 AM): haha x3 | | |
| Fact: Life is an emotional rollercoaster.
First you're happy, then you're sad, then comes being crushed,
lost, lonely, hopeful, hurt, angry, untrusting and then depression.
Who knows, maybe in the next 24 hours I'll be the happiest person alive again.
But it's alright.. it's always alright, this is what makes you stronger, correct?
well bull-fucking-shit
I hate when people are right, especially when they're right over something I hoped for the best about.
It wasn't his fault, and I don't blame him for a thing (yet)
Now I'm just worried he's going to avoid me like last time.
and if so, that's the worst and only thing he could do to me that would literally crush me.
might as well rip out my heart and step on it while you're at it.
And yet
I still love him.. x3
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| Lets start off with Merry Christmas everyone
and that I hope you all had a wonderful holiday. As of now I have 2 days.
Two days until the greatest guy I know might finally come up.
My stomach is in knots, my heart is beating a little faster.
I've been smiling so much lately and I love it.
I love being happy, feeling excited, wanting something again
It beats being depressed and emotionless anyday.
I'm hopeful, but worried, I don't want to be let down.
He means the world to me, he has for so long now.
So many hours spent talking, laughing, planning.
and finally Finally we'll get to meet each other in person. Words can only say so much, actions show so much more.
But for now all I can do is type and hope he understands.
I love him, I honestly do.
Despite everything thats happened, no matter what may happen in the future, I'll always come back to him.
some may call that stupid, but he's worth any trouble that might accour.
I just hope he feels the same way. 
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| I'm not sure whats going on lately.
yesterday I almost made a terrible mistake, yet I wanted it and still want it so bad.
I'm hoping maybe soon to get a sign of why I'm here.
why I am who I am.
and what is something good thats soon to happen to make this life a little more enjoyable.
everything just seems so wrong, and out of place.
like a puzzle missing a piece.
and I'm that piece. I feel lost, alone, empty.
Like I don't even belong anymore.
I laugh, yes.
and many times people might catch me smiling as well, but I'm still at a loss inside.
Hope, something I once had so much of, is starting to run out.
Being pessimistic seems nearly natural. and expecting the worse is almost a must do now.
I don't even know what to say anymore,
I write this in hopes that if I get it off my chest it will go away, but I know well enough it may never do so.
Upbeat songs can only cheer one up for so long.
Lately only two people have been able to cheer me up.
The only two people I really wish to even talk to.
Others only annoy me further.
I can't stand all the lies and pathetic rumors that go around school
whether they involve me or not.
We're in high school people, it's about time we grow up.
not to mention how are high school is dicking us over with all the new "adjustments" being made. If I continue to talk I'll just end up rambling on and on for pages about useless stuff.
kind of like when you have so much on your mind you can't think straight nor even know what your thinking about until you stop to sit and write it all out. Bottom line, life still bites. | | |
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